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If you are sensitive person you probably should not read these funny jokes about disabled and crippled people! If you are not sensitive, these disabled, crippled jokes are hilarious! Enjoy…

(1) Whats the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken.
(2) How do crippled’s make love? They rub their crutches together.
(3) Why did the disabled man get washed in the kitchen sink? Because thats were you are meant to wash vegetables.
(4) What do you tell a woman in a wheelchair? Nothing, she’s already been told.
(5) What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair? Park and Ride.
(6) A guy is walking on the beach one day, and comes across a girl with no arms and no legs. She is crying, so he ask her, “Why are you crying?” She replies, “I have never been hugged before.” So he picks her up and gives her a big hug. The next day he is walking on the same beach, and he sees the same girl crying, so he walks up to her and ask her again. She replies, “Well I have never been kissed before.” So he leans over and gives her a big kiss. The 3rd day he is again walking on the same beach, and the same lady is crying and the man can’t figure out why? He has hugged her and kissed her. So he walks over and ask her for the 3rd time, “Why are you crying now?” She responds, “Well, I have never been fucked before.” The man says “Ok”, so he picks her up, and throws her in the water and says “Well now your Fucked.”

I found some really funny police/cop jokes for you guys. I like the Wedding Day one the best!

The Helpful Wife
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What’s the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he’s drunk.

---

Driving Under the Influence

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.

The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

---

In Hot Pursuit
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.

“Hey,” asked the brunette at the wheel, “see any cops following us?”

The blonde turned around for a long look. “Yea. I see some following us now!”

“Oh, NOOOO!” yelled the brunette. “Are his flashers on?”

The blonde turned around again. “Yup…nope…yup…nope…yup…”

---

The Priest and the Rabbi
A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi.
Just look at our cars.
There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
This must be a sign from God!”
Pointing to the sky, he continues, “God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth.”
The priest replies, “I agree with you completely.
This must surely be a sign from God!”
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, “And look at this!
Here’s another miracle!
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.
Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune.”
The priest nods in agreement.
The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.
The priest, baffled, asks, “Aren’t you having any, Rabbi?”
The rabbi replies, “Nah… I think I’ll wait for the police.”

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Non-Returnable
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over.

The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I’ll let you go.”

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, “My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!”

---

Wedding Day
A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding… He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big
smiles on their faces.

The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

Coroner tells the Inspector:

‘First body: An Italian , 60, died of heart failure while with his mistress.
Hence the enormous smile.’

‘Second body: ‘Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent
it all on whisky, died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.’

The Inspector asked, ‘What of the third body?’

‘Ah,’ says the coroner, ‘This is the most unusual one. Billy Earl, the
Newfie, 30, struck by lightning.’

‘Why is he smiling then?’ inquires the Inspector.

‘Thought he was having his picture taken.’
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Blonde jokes are some of the most common jokes ever. They are still really funny though. Here are some blonde jokes I found. Enjoy…

Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.

Q: What’s the diff between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.

Q: What’s a dumb Blondes favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?
A: No need for em to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on top of her.

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year’s hide and seek champion.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: What does a postcard from a blonde’s vacation say?
A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say “Hello”

Q: Why are blonde’s immune to Mad Cow Disease?
A: It only affects the brain.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
A: Blow in her ear - if natural, watch as she floats…

Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb.

Q: Where do you look for blonde’s obituaries?
A: Under “Home Improvements.”

Q: Why did the blonde go to the rehab center?
A: Because she thought she was hooked on phonics.

Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: 30 mins of begging.

Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It’s quite difficult opening the legs of an Ironing Board.

Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.

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